Course Catalogue · Lesson No. I
BRD 101 · Department of BreadsHow to Butter Untoasted Bread
A foundational course in the spreading of butter upon bread that has, crucially, never known a toaster. No prerequisites.
Film Forthcoming
The lesson is in post-production. The Faculty asks for your patience.
Few rituals of the modern kitchen are as quietly misunderstood as the preparation of untoasted butter bread. Bread, when toasted, forgives a great deal: the butter yields, the surface co-operates, and the student is flattered into believing they possess a skill. Untoasted bread offers no such comfort. It is soft. It tears. It remembers.
BRD 101 is therefore the Institute's foundational course, and attendance is expected of all who intend to progress to the confectionery syllabus. Fifteen steps are presented below in the order the Faculty recommends. Students who find themselves ahead of the narrator are invited to slow down.
No toaster was consulted in the preparation of this lesson.
Step I. Gather your ingredients and materials.
Bread, butter, a plate, and a butter knife. The provisions are gathered.
Step II. Make sure your bread is not toasted.
It must be certain. This bread has never known a toaster.
Step III. Remove the bread from the packaging.
Gently, a single slice is coaxed from its plastic burrow.
Step IV. Place one slice of bread on a plate or clean surface.
It is laid to rest upon a clean, white plate.
Step V. Take the butter out of the refrigerator.
From the cold depths of the refrigerator, the butter emerges.
Step VI. Unwrap the butter and let it soften.
Its paper shell is peeled away, and it is left, patiently, to soften.
Step VII. Get a butter knife.
The essential tool is taken in hand. The humble butter knife.
Step VIII. Cut or scrape off a small amount of butter.
A small portion is taken. Restraint, as always, is wise.
Step IX. Spread the butter onto the bread.
Slowly, the butter is spread across the soft, pale surface.
Step X. Continue spreading until the bread is evenly covered.
The spreading continues, patiently, until the slice is evenly covered.
Step XI. Check the edges to make sure they have butter.
The edges are inspected. Nothing must be left bare.
Step XII. Add more butter if needed.
Should the coverage fall short, a little more butter is added.
Step XIII. Make sure the bread is still not toasted.
And still, remarkably, the bread remains untoasted.
Step XIV. Enjoy your non-toasted butter bread.
At last, the reward. Untoasted butter bread, in its natural state.
Step XV. Optional: make another slice.
And should the appetite persist, the ritual may begin again.