The Institute maintains a faculty of two, which it regards as ample. Both are listed below in order of seniority, which is also alphabetical, which is also a coincidence.
The Dean founded the Institute in MDCCXCIV, reportedly after watching a man butter toast and finding the whole affair insufficiently examined. He has presided ever since, reviewing each lesson personally and approving it with a frown that the Faculty has learned to interpret as satisfaction.
He signs all official documents as E. Tuber. He does not give interviews. He appears in every film as a small watermark, which he considers sufficient publicity.
The Professor Emeritus delivers every lesson in a hushed and reverent register, as though the student were a rare bird that might at any moment take flight. He has never been photographed, and has asked that the frame be left empty “as a lesson in restraint”.
“Well. That rather concludes our observations for today. Do put the kettle on.”
The Institute was established in MDCCXCIV for the rigorous instruction of the public in matters the public had, until then, been content to perform without instruction. Its motto, Nihil Simplex Est, was adopted at the first meeting of the Faculty and has not been reconsidered.
Its earliest lessons concerned bread. Its later lessons also concerned bread, and then, after some debate, confectionery. The Institute is accredited by no one and respected by some, and it has found this arrangement entirely satisfactory.